Bad days

I feel really weak today as if the world might open up and swallow me whole
As if conversation might break me down from my head to my toes, until I am a mere pile of bones and sinew
I feel really demure today… like if I speak too loudly, my guts will come spilling from my mouth and I’ll have nothing left inside me except space
My body is sitting on top of me like some foreign object, instead of my home.
I feel like crying today, heavy while the world’s pain, and my own, hurdles toward me at top speed, all with one goal: to trod me into the ground
If I survive today, and make it to tomorrow with a beating heart and inflated lungs I will stand on my legs facing East toward the sun
And I will not be moved.
But today, I need to curl up into myself,
To turn and face the West where dark corners and rooms clouded with thick smoke, will caress my wet cheeks, touch my tender skin, and cover me from harsh, glaring stares
If I survive today, this day cloaked in fog, then tomorrow shall promise me sunshine and singing birds, chirping insects, relentless heat
But for now, these shadows are where I hide, while the rest of earth turns on its axis without me
If only for today

© Ama Akoto (2018)

Published by Sunshine

Sunny Scape is a safe space for Black women and queer folks. I am committed to eradicating intersecting systems of oppression that overwhelmingly affect people like myself, and doing so in a way that centers the most marginalized of us. That means that I am an activist on behalf of Black and brown queer and trans folks, children, sex workers, disabled folks, people of low socioeconomic status, currently and formerly imprisoned people, and countless others who are pushed to the back burners and relegated to second-class citizenship. This blog and everything within it is absolutely inseparable from the liberation efforts of all the aforementioned groups of people.

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