Feet of my father

Late night musings

My mother and I share the same heart, ruptured and swollen, so I thought everything about me was tied to her and made of her especially my throat where my voice catches so often but somehow manages to eek itself out day after day even when the words aren’t there, finding their way to me because my mother, she seems to never be gone from rubbing her strong hands on my back or caressing the places in my soul that have been carved out by my own insecurity and the jagged edges of our lives.

But I am breaking your heart in ways that remind me of my father with his stumbling feet and absent-minded loving forgetting that little ones, loved ones need tenderness and compassion not the jealous lashings of an impassioned man—apathetic lover or the wandering feet of a person who lost his home or her way some time long before you even crossed their path these are the pieces of my body that lay hidden beneath my skin, under all the tattoos I got after he told my body it was too big, too stocky and mutilation was the only way around childhood traumas the ones fitting snugly in between my bones that I thought would shed with the baby fat, but that never left and neither did the lowly way I saw myself, forgotten and flawed in my eyes or my father’s if these, too, are his and only able to see the murky reflection of my self.

Published by Sunshine

Sunny Scape is a safe space for Black women and queer folks. I am committed to eradicating intersecting systems of oppression that overwhelmingly affect people like myself, and doing so in a way that centers the most marginalized of us. That means that I am an activist on behalf of Black and brown queer and trans folks, children, sex workers, disabled folks, people of low socioeconomic status, currently and formerly imprisoned people, and countless others who are pushed to the back burners and relegated to second-class citizenship. This blog and everything within it is absolutely inseparable from the liberation efforts of all the aforementioned groups of people.

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